Pinch Me?

On occasion, when I get in the mood to write, I try to remember you web bloggers....

Yesterday I got some very big news-I have been accepted to the University of Arizona! When you apply online you are able to check the status of your application online as well. For weeks my status was "Under Review". So yesterday morning when i logged on to check my status (because this has become apart of my daily routine) I was pleasantly surprised when it read "Decision Made"! I was able to call the university to find out what the decision was. A woman in the admissions office answered the phone and asked if I could hold. While I sat there waiting for her to come back I began to feel sick. I was tempted to lean over the garbage can and pray she didnt come back. Finally she came back and I told her my name and birthday, AND SHE PUT ME ON HOLD AGAIN! At this point I was thinking, "Oh no, she doesnt want to be the one to tell me I have been rejected! She is going to find someone braver to tell me. I wonder if they higher people for that purpose... to tell people they have been rejected over the phone... " Once again I looked toward the garbage can... but tried to suppress my fears instead of letting them out all over the kitchen. Then she came back, "You have been accepted to the University of Arizona, a letter was mailed to day, so you will receive it in 15 business days". I hung up the phone, ran upstairs to tell my mom, and cried. 

I sent an email to the capt at UA who interviewed me for the ROTC scholarship. I told him that I have been accepted and asked if he knows when I will find out about my scholarship. He replied and told me that he is excited to hear that I have been accepted, and that Cadet Command will be sending out the letters for scholarships at the end of this month, and beginning of next month. He told me that all he can tell me is that "you are very very very high on our list". He said I should buy myself a UA t-shirt, continue to work out, and research things to do in Tuscan!

Needless to say, I will be heading out to Arizona for school this coming fall. August 16th is the move in date. In one sense it is totally nerve racking to think about moving to the other side of the country... away from home and family. But in the same sense I have a total peace about it. When I  look back on everything thats happened over the past few years, I can see where God was putting everything into motion. First of all moving back here, I would have never thought of joining the military if I was still living in New York. Many of my friends there are not supportive, mostly because they dislike the government. Being separated from them (although it is still sad) has kept me from having negativity about something I feel God has called me to be apart of. Then making friends with the people at Stonewall, that I dont really speak to anymore, but through them I was able to meet Amanda. I will be going to school with her. I dont think I would have been able to make it through the school year without her. But she isnt someone who keeps me from growing individually, actually she is the opposite. She motivates me, and allows me to grow on my own. I am excited to have her as a friend, and even better to room with when I do go to school. And finally, Stonewall was so miserable that I had to get out. This year has allowed me to grow and develop and make tough decisions without the nonsense of senior year. I have been able to be stubborn, to listen to wisdom, to pray, and to find my place. When I interviewed with arizona he asked me, if there was one thing you could say to convince me that you are the best choice for this scholarship how would you persuade me. I had to think for a minute but i realized, being apart of this is something i wasnt forced into deciding, it isnt something i came up with on a whim. Instead it is something that I had to decide through prayer and tears and fights and advice. It is something I have become passionate about, because of how I struggled to figure out which path to take.

So I am very excited, alittle nervous, but I know without a doubt that I made the correct decision. And what I was most fearful of was making the wrong one. Thank you for your prayers through all this craziness... dont stop I will still need them!

WHATS WRONG WITH ME?!

so things are starting to look up. i am starting to hear back from schools. and then something happens... for those of you who have been along for this ride, i know you are going to think that i am nuts. haha. and i am. i laid in bed all night last night. wide awake. and my mind was racing. many things were jumbled up together but one thought caused the rest to become scrambled. "maybe i should stay home and go to nova. i could do it the fast way, be finished in a year and a half. coach lacrosse. quit one of my jobs. but make a ton at blueridge (since i am serving now)" this went on all night. this thought worries me the most because i am worried that i have been missing god and this is what he wanted all along. one of my long term struggles is that i frequently have to remind myself that i am not superwoman and cannot fix/do/figure out everything alone. so i am constantly going to god and saying pleeeease take it, but then the next day i have to go back and do it all over again because i take it back. well i guess i got caught up in everything and stopped making it a point to give it to god. and this past week i reminded myself that i need to do it more often. and did. and now these thoughts. 

so here is the plan that i came up with last night. go to nova (which i hope i didnt miss the deadline... if i did this plan is out the window) but plan my classes so that i finish in a year and a half instead of two years. guidance at stonewall told me they had no doubt that i could do this last year when i decided to graduate early. it would be a heavier load of classes, but i have talked to a girl you currently attends nova and she said (also from the prospective of an honor student) that the classes are cake. so i dont think that it would be difficult. i could work at justice through the holidays, and then either quit or cut back ALOT. because now that i am serving at blueridge (even though right now i only do it every once in awhile) i make about a normal paycheck in one night. So i would be able to save a good amount in the next year and a half. i would be close to family, because last night i realized that i am not sure that i am ready to leave them yet.

anyway. i hope that some of you are reading all of this because the other night my dad told me that the bible says to seek wise counsel. once again allowing GOD to work through others to help me out instead of me feeling like i am all alone. and i am so blessed to have many people that speak into my life. and through out all of tthis many have offered up their opinions, and thoughts... and given input. but now i ask that if you are reading this to just pray. i would be so grateful if you could just take out a little time this week and seriously "hardcore" pray for me. and i really want to hear your feedback. i am not expecting any of you to come back and say ... i have the answer! but if god gives it to you ... awesome! i am just feeling so drained from trying to do it all myself.

*side story... its so cool to see how god is at work in our lives. i dont remember the exact quote from the book i just finished called a new kind of christian but he says something about how god does not want us to go back to things in the past or dwell in them, but that he is always moving ahead of us. and boy did God move ahead of me... when i still lived in new york a woman in our church gave me a word. she said that she saw me standing in the doorway of a thrashing house (this is where wheat is processed and cleaned) and she said i had all of the yuck on me from cleaning the wheat but that i was looking out onto this beautiful field. she said that it was the most beautiful day and i was so excited to run out and enjoy it. yet this field had a bunch of paths, and my fear quickly turned into terror when trying to decide which path i should take. i got this word almost two years ago! and i didnt relate to it at all... but now that is exactly how i feel.

so i just ask for you to pray pray pray. and get back to me asap! haha jan. is coming fast. AH!

<3

Currently Listening Tell All Your Friends By Taking Back Sunday see related

well... i am still waiting.

for some reason this weekend it has been more difficult to remain emotionally content with life. i dont handle boredom or extended down time well. when i had chicken pox in 6th grade i was a wreck. because i got them so late in "childhood" they were horrible. this meant i was under house arrest for awhile. i was so unhappy about being isolated from people that one day (it was the middle of winter) my mom and aunt heidi put me in a sweater, jeans, gloves, hat, scarf, anything to cover my body, and took me to lunch. i also enjoy stimulating tasks, that make me use my brain. but right now my weeks consist of... work. which isnt terrible, it is apart of life. it is just hard, for a person who feeds off of the energy of others and is still a teenager for another week (hehe) to have friday come around and instead of getting a nice break from work, work is thrown into full gear. i desperately want to go to a halloween party, or do something fun; something out of the ordinary. these feelings will pass, they always do. usually i dont mind work, because i have a goal in mind.  but i guess with the extended waiting i am a little discouraged. i am hoping that next weekend will be better, since sunday is my birthday and all.

but as far as college goes... apparently all of the colleges have made their decisions, they have just failed to let me know what it is. i completed my fasfa form about two weeks ago i believe. so now it is just a bunch of waiting, God must be trying to instill patience in me because i have been waiting for what feels like forever. when i get down i try to remind myself that adelphi has accepted me, so if no where else i will go there. my prayer now is, God pleeeeease let the schools/gov. have favor on me and give me moneeey and scholarships! because after i have been accepted, finances will be the next hurdle, one that i dread.

Currently Listening Commit This to Memory By Motion City Soundtrack see related

taking a quick break from cooking dinner... nothing came in the mail yet! ugh. waiting sucks. i am calling adelphi tomorrow because i should have received theirs already. i also need to ask questions so its an all around good idea. my daddy comes home from the ukrain tonight.. yay! tomorrow we are going to fill out fasfa and get that going... which means by the middle of november i should have everything together and know the plan. but we will see how that works out.

right now i am just working... i like when i have a goal to work towards, in my mind right now that goal is hofstra. its like the summer when i moved here and i worked for Roger and Cathy. i couldnt drive yet, and didnt have a car, but even on the days i was tired or just didnt want to do it anymore i reminded myself that in the end it would be worth it. and oh it has been. i also like being so busy because now i can sleep at night, i am just so tired my mind doesnt even bother running wild. which is grrrrreat because now i am able to fall right to sleep without stressing myself out to death, and then being tired the next day. the new problem that has developed from working so much is that i have neglected to take care of myself in other areas. until today i hadnt really worked out in two weeks, which is terrible. it makes my body feel so sluggish if i start falling out of shape, so today i began working towards eating right... no more blueridge french fries, hush puppies, chicken fingers... all that is good every once in a while but not 100 times a weekend. annnnd no more soda.... i had gone a year at least without drinking soda, besides an occasional sprite... until this summer i rediscovered dr. pepper. no more! i need water water water. its amazing how i have done this for one day and i already feel better. i have had water all day. and after work i came home and felt so tired, but i was determined to work out... and i had so much energy after i did. i also love making dinner, tonight seasoned grilled chicken with rice and green beans! haha i am a dork.

well i could keep going on about random things but i figure i will only leave a few random thoughts, this way i am able to update more because i wont have said everything in one entry.

This is for all you obsessive webloggers. *coughmishlerscough* just kidding!

well ... it has been a year since i last updated, which i am sure you are aware of. it is about two in the morning, and any other high school student in pwc should be asleep, but i am no longer a student. (but i should still be sleeping) basically what i am trying to say is that alot has happened over the year. since i am bored, i will try and follow in order the events that have shaped this past year.

i will have to start with my birthday. i wont go into details because honestly i dont remember everything, except that we did go up to new york for the weekend. Oh wait i remember! okay so we planned a trip to new york, partly for my birthday. we were going to go see wicked, i was sooo excited. but the dumb guy who we bought the tickets from was a jerk and disappeared the weekend that we were there. which was terrible, because not only were we there for my birthday, but it was also the weekend that Kevin and Molly got married, and he was supposed to be their limo driver, but loaded with money from both our wicked tickets and having already been paid for his services as a limo driver, he skipped town. what a jerk! but it was still a fun time. shannon, sam, liz and i went shopping at urban outfitters (best store ever but really expensive) and then mike, sam, shannon and i went to vincents for dinner (best italian restaurant ever). it was fun, we took a bunch of pictures and had a good time. but i cant remember any more details since it was so long ago, btw my birthday is in three weeks. i will be 18 ... dont forget.

thanksgiving was alright, we have had better. but the tradition remained and that is what is most important to me. i dont think thanksgiving could ever be bad as long as chet and justin are there. we may be bored, or depressed or whatever... but what counts is that we are all together with our family and i wouldnt change that for the world

moving on... christmas time. my memory once again is a little scattered. our church had a christmas party, that was pretty fun. my mom got sick and had to go to the er ... haha it was pretty funny, i mean not that she had to go to the hospital but the actual experience. (she is all better now). at the time i was dating aaron... hmmm. we went to dinner and he bought me a tiffany's bracelet, i still wear it even though we arent dating anymore. i also met alot of his family, and played poker with them. that was cool. (but that no longer exists ... ). Christmas day was fun, i got alot of nice stuff, my sister made me a book of her poems for my gift and i cried like a baby. i am wierd, dont worry i already know. we also spent the day watching the first season of lost (one of my dad's christmas gifts). that simple gift has resulted in an ongoing addiction to the show, if you havnt seen it you are missing out. (jesse you better not watch it before our marathon!). but anyways... the highlight of the christmas season ... BY FAR ... was finding out that aunt heidi and uncle jon were going to have a baby. yes ... thats right a baby. once again, i cried. i just realized, i have probably cried more in this year...for various reasons both happy and sad... than i have ever cried any other year of my life. anyway, so yes ... that was the best part of christmas.

wow writing the events of this year out is really making me have to think. i was sitting here about to type that i could not remember what i did for new years, but then the memories suddenly began to flow back into my mind. so yes, new years. i had to work at dumb... ledo pizza (thank god i am not longer an employee at that terrible place of business) and afterwards i had a bunch of people from school over. we played scene it, at food, and watched the ball drop. i have had more eventful new years than that, but it was still enjoyable so i am not complaining.

so up until lacrosse season everything else was pretty much a blur. school was terrible... i was miserable at stonewall and dumb ledo pizza. i went on a retreat with youth group, which was pretty fun. we also took another trip up to new york for jesse and shannons wedding, that was alot of fun. shannon looked beautiful, i loved her dress. and then lacrosse season started. that was probably the best part of the school year, because up until then i really didnt enjoy anything about stonewall. but the girls and of course kraut were all amazing. we did alright, and had alot of fun, i loved it. i quit ledo in may and started working at blueridge seafood, which i enjoy very much. oh also in the spring we got a building for the church, and started having sunday morning services so that was great.

the end of the school year was quickly approaching, and the thought of having to return to that school again this fall was making me feel sick and depressed. i went to my counselor and told her i was thinking about graduating early. she told me that if anyone else had walked into her office and asked what she thought of that suggestion she would have said absolutely not, but in my case she thought it was the best thing i could do for myself. basically after some prayer everyone was in agreement that it was a good idea. so i filled out the forms for summer school classes. i didnt have to take alot of my finals either, so amanda and i enjoyed skipping out of school early almost everyday of the last month of school and heading to the neighborhood pool. i was beginning to feel alot better about life in general.

i went to new york for prom, which was amazing. i had so much fun, sometimes i wish i could go back to those moments. the week was crazy, getting sam ready for graduation and everyone getting ready for prom, but we all enjoyed ourselves. we took a trip out to sands point, its where rich people live in these huge houses that look like castles, and their backyards are the ocean. it is incredible! we all loaded up in the car, drove out there and took pictures until shannons camera died. we basically sat in people's front/backyards and took the pictures, they all came out so good. i love to look at them, they make me so happy. we also went to a very good japanese restaurant. we did our traditional beach night/outback. and then prom of course. it wasnt exactly all its cracked up to be, but we had fun, before, during and after. getting back from new york was kind of difficult. there was a really bad storm in dc, so my flight home was canceled. which under any other circumstance would have been great, one more night in ny, but i had to start summer school the next day and since my flight was canceled i missed my first class. once again, i cried. but i made it home the next day.

not only did i start summer school when i got home, but we also had a wonderful girl from the Ukrain staying with us. she had already been staying with my family during the week i was away, so at first she didnt know what to think of me. but we quickly became friends, and i love her so much, it was so hard to let her go home. she is an orphan, one of many many in the ukrain. she was sixteen and it was so great to see how the simple things i take for granted, fascinated her. she put ketchup on everything, TOAST! because that was the only thing she knew that could give flavor to foods. a towel was a luxury for her. and boy did she love to ride a bike. i get bored after five minutes, but she could do it for hours, and not just because thats all she knew, but because it was something she doesnt always have the privilage of doing! when we took her to the airport, once again i cried so hard. i wanted so badly for her to stay with us forever.

the majority of the summer was uneventful. summer school everyday, which was very very easy, i slept most of the time. i dont remember anything really extraordinary happening. i just worked alot and went to school. and then graduated! The graduation ceremony was great, it lasted for 45 minutes, which if you have ever been to a ceremony before you know thats a record, and amazing. i got to walk, and i have my diploma! and the same night i graduated heidi and jon had their baby, DADE! the ceremony was getting ready to start and my mom came running into the gym, where we were waiting until everything started and told me he had just been born. very exciting! my parents threw me a graduation party, it was alot of fun. I was able to share it with almost everyone who has helped make me who i am today. pete and sean were able to make it. that was probably the highlight, oh and the beautiful slideshow my sister made for me.

i worked everyday after i finished school, and then my sisters started school and i went back up to new york. it was a good visit. and now i am home. bored. i went out and got another job, so that makes two. i have applied to colleges for the spring. everyone has an opinion about what i should do with the rest of my life. which is really starting to get old, actually it was never new, it was old from the start. but i know everyone just wants the best for me.  my parents, jesse and priscilla went with me to visit mary baldwin, which is negative ten on my list. but it was a fun day, i must say i enjoyed spending time with them and really getting serious about going away to school. so now i am just waiting to hear back from the schools i applied to. no one knows this yet, but i just checked the status of my adelphi application and it said that i have been accepted! my top pick is hofstra, but we will see how that goes. it has been a very stressful/boring month. i like excitement, and the lack of it is driving me crazy. once again i have cried alot ... haha i am such a baby. i am just get everything going, and get to school. btw ...as of now i am majoring in english, i want to be an english professor.

i know this is long, and i will be surprised if you have actually made it this far. but the most recent events (besides the adelphi thing which i just found out about a half hour ago and the new job) i was offered the assistant coach position for the brentsville lacrosse team. i have been helping them out with conditioning and clinics, and i think it would be so much fun to help coach during the actual season, but i doubt iwill be able to because i will be away at school if all goes well. and i had to get stitches, which was probably the most exciting thing that has happened in awhile. friday morning i took rocky out in the rain, and he acted like a jerk and made me fall. well i was more angry that he had made me fall so i brought him in ... yelling and angry. well my mom was running late for work (thank god) and asked me what was wrong and i told her he had made me fall and scrape my knee, well i lifted up my pant leg to find blood everywhere. it wasnt a scratch, it was a hole. it didnt hurt, but it looked disgusting so i threw up, my mom laughed and said she thought i needed stitches. so we went to the doctor, and i spent the morning getting stitches. at first i was really scared, and when he gave me the shot to numb it i was crying and laughing at myself for being a baby. but when he started sewing it up i realized i really couldnt feel it, it was awesome, so i sat up and watched him do it. i went straight from the doctor to work, it was cool because my knee was numb all day, well it was cool until i got home from work that night and my knee was no longer numb, then it hurt reeeeally bad. but yea that was my excitement for the week.

i will really be shocked if you are reading this right now, but if you are you have just been updated on my life for the past year. it has been emotional and very full, but when is it not. as always ... thanks for reading